Things have just gotten so fucked up lately.
I'm not sure where I am, or what I'm doing. I'm not all there most of the time. I'm in a permanent state of confusion, and I'm so out of it. Even when she touches me, I can hardly feel it. I know how I feel, and I know what I want, but the choices I've made, and the decision not to feel it on the outside, makes me feel as if I'm not being me, and not being true to myself.
She was there one second, and gone the next. Now it seems like she is always there, and I am never there. When I stop being that person I never wanted to be, and I begin to retreat inside myself, she seems to be drawn to me more. Like everyone does. Now I have no idea what to do or what to feel...I feel nothing. I carve these emotions into myself, and still feel nothing. And yet, she is there, to cover up my wounds and wipe my tears, and hold me through the night...just as I always wanted. But with her hand on my heart, and her voice in my ear, that I once heard as a song to my heart, now sounds so distant. All I want is what I've never had before...and I'm not sure I could ever have it.